Should I stay or should I go?

Look up divorce in Australia on Google & what do you get- Divorce Lawyers, on-line divorce services, Apply for a divorce- divorcepedia, Family Law Courts, how do I apply for a divorce and divorce Australia (how to protect your assets) – nothing about the emotional side. I’m quite sure if you scroll down far enough you might find something!

In 2010, there were 50,240 divorces granted in Australia, an increase of 792 (1.6%) compared to 2009. The divorce rate seemed to peak in 2001 which is when I separated from my husband, the father of my children.

In my case this had been a BAD situation for a long time mainly due to alcohol abuse making our house hold turbulent to say the least. Being bought up in a family where you were taught that marriage was for life and you should ‘work things out’ this is what I tried to do, unsuccessfully I might add. First stop was a marriage councillor not far from home; John agreed to go. When we arrived we were ushered into a room and one of the first things she asked was there any substance abuse, when she was told about the alcohol we were told she could not help us as a couple until he sort help for his problem as this made it a third party problem. Back to the doctor I go (she referred us to the councillor in the first place and was also a family friend) for her then to send us to the head of Western Sydney Mental health (a psychiatrist). We made the hour journey to be sat in a dimly lit room to discuss our relationship. This continued every week for a couple of months (with homework I might add) and all that seemed to come out of this was coffee being made for me each morning so he could prove to the Doctor what a considerate husband he was. In effect as his problems weren’t being addressed (mainly because he didn’t want to address them). This was April 1999 or there about, the year I turned 40. It took me till January 2001 too actually call it quits knowing I could not take this any more whatever the outcome would be.

I should have realised when my then 9year old daughter said ‘why don’t you divorce daddy and marry someone who’s good to you’ then was the time to leave! During this time I was thinking I was doing the best for my children by staying, not realising that they noticed things were not right. In hindsight I now realise how dangerous it is to keep children in this situation as they grow up thinking its normal. My ex-husband blames me to this day for leaving him.

I won’t go into the ensuing dramas we went through with a business, home and everything else that was so neatly woven nor the interference by his family members that made a bad situation very much worse but I will say my children were adversely affected and for that I will be eternally sorry.

I still believe there are ways to work on a marriage if there aren’t those outside influences that you can do absolutely nothing about unless the other party wants help. As the old saying goes ‘you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink’ and in my case stop him from drinking.

My youngest daughter who is now 19 hardly has a drink and her boyfriend doesn’t drink at all, but my eldest is another story; she actually works in a Pub and totally enjoys the culture. They both have some anger management issues (the eldest recently blamed me for that because I didn’t leave her father earlier) and have also been diagnosed with other issues.

Please if you are in marriage that has violence and or substance abuse find a professional to talk to and find out your options for help. I understand during these situations yourself esteem is close to non-existent and maybe your culture/religion may be against it but you owe it to your children as they learn from their parents both good and bad.

Thanks for reading xxx