Mother me not Smother me

When I told my Mother I was pregnant with my first child her comment – ‘oh, that’s how it is, is it?’

I had been married for just over a year, was 29years old and this was to be her first Grandchild; I was expecting a little more excitement or at least congratulations. My Husband and I were not trying for a family it just happened (when they say the Pill is not 100% protection they mean it!).

My Mother was 36 when I was born and had had considerable trouble falling pregnant so possibly she thought I would have the same problems who knows. I was an only child as she suffered Post Natal Depression (not that it was recognised much at the time) I spent a lot of time with my Grandparents when I was little (I thought it was normal for children to stay with their Grandparents every weekend and have their Grandmother arrive at our house a couple of times a week to ‘help out’ via public transport as she didn’t drive). My Grandmother and I went everywhere together especially in school holidays all by bus, we had a great time, I miss my Nan.

No Bike for me in case I hurt myself (also meant they always knew where I was). If I ever tried to talk to my Mother about anything she would immediately tell me I was being Stupid or would discuss it with everyone else and still to this day she has no idea of privacy. At a very early age I made the decision if I ever had children of my own I would never do this.

As time went on I moved out of home quite young (my Mother has always referred to this as the time I ran away from home) and I stopped discussing things with her. When I started dating my husband he unfortunately didn’t know the history and would quite often say I was being hard on her that was until he gave her the engagement ring he had bought me for safe keeping as he had planned a special night out on a specific date to ask me to marry him- not only could she not wait to tell me but show me the ring and then tell me to pretend to him that she hadn’t. I really didn’t think this would be the best way to start our life together so I told him. We still went out on our special night on that specific date, it was nice but not the night it should have been. He never trusted her again.

I am by no means the best Mother but I have never breached my children’s trust. I let them do things I probably shouldn’t have because I didn’t want them to be wrapped in the cotton wool like I had been and I wanted them to be strong independent Women not rebellious or weak; hopefully I have succeeded in this if nothing else. I have written before about the fact I didn’t spend enough time with my children when they were young as I was always busy – I would do it differently if I had my time over. Hopefully if they decide to have children of their own that is one thing they will change from their experience of growing up. 

My hope is that I can be a Nanna like my Nanna (apart from the bit where we would go walking at 6am on a Sunday mornings, she would wear an apron with secateurs in the pocket so she could ‘borrow’ cuttings from people’s front gardens. Naughty Nanna x)