Why is life so hard at times?

Today I read a beautiful blog post written by Eden Riley from Edenland. Unfortunately her Stepfather is suffering from Cancer and his time on this earth is limited. As I read her story my eyes welled up, not just because of what Eden and her family are going through but the very raw memory of holding my friends hand as he lost his battle with the same insidious disease. It has been eighteen months since we lost Al but this morning it could have been 18 minutes. It also made me think of what Eden will have to endure emotionally as time goes on. Memories are funny things; they are triggered by the most obscure things and sometimes for no particular reason at all. A song, a smell even something someone else says or does that sparks the memory; at least as time goes by the funny ones seem to take pride of place in the majority.

We all go through these types of experiences sometime in our lives, some more than others though. I can still see Daughter one holding Al’s hand and kissing him on the cheek while the tears rolled down hers; how can someone so young show so much control, love and compassion when one of her adopted dads lay lifeless in front of her. 

Two weeks ago I asked Daughter two if she had spoken to her Father recently, she had not. I then called Daughter one and she hadn’t either so I then spent the next couple of days trying to call him but he didn’t pick up the phone. In desperation I called his local Police Station (he lives in a country town about 2.5 hours away) and asked them to check on him, they took my number and said they would check. Not long after this a very caring Police man called me back to say he was ‘still with us’ and they were calling the Ambulance – he would let me know what happens when they arrive. The local Ambulance Officers all know my ex-husband very well as he regularly goes to hospital due to the magnitude and severity of his illnesses (we were told he wouldn’t see the year out early in 2005, then again in 2007 and were actually told to make funeral arrangements 18 months ago). The very understanding Police Man called me again saying John was refusing to go to hospital and there was nothing they could do to make him but his condition would get worse and they were hoping he would change his mind soon. I gave up. I called Daughter one to let her know who then promptly called her father and gave him an enormous serve. I called him a few days later, he apologised and thanked me for my concern and said he would go to hospital soon; I had no idea what soon meant. John called me today to let me know he had just arrived home from Hospital after being in there for just over a week; he sounded like shit.

I could babble on forever about John’s Alcohol abuse which has caused his many health complaints, two broken marriages and his loss of income but really what is the point. The point is he is playing a losing game and one day in the not so distant future the call will come to either take the girls to the hospital for the last time or he has already gone. How do you prepare for such an event? Both my girls and their sister have been expecting it for such a long time now but I am quite sure when the day does come it will not be easily accepted by any of us.

John is 62 years old; on his 42^nd birthday I wrote him a letter asking him to stop drinking for his children’s sake (I was pregnant at the time) – he said he didn’t have a problem so why should he.

Help is available when you acknowledge you have a problem

All these can be attributed to Alcohol abuse