Growing Old

I was talking with a girlfriend this morning trying, yet again, to get together for coffee which seems to be near impossible these days. We have known each other since our late teens so we have shared a lot over the years especially seeing we are both only children which in its self brings on a lot of responsibility when you are older.

Just before we boarded for our Cruise in March

Each others parents were a big part of our lives early in the piece then we both married and our children came along. He daughter is my God daughter and at the age of 25 she still calls me ‘the Easter bunny’; can’t remember when or why that started but we do get a few strange looks when she calls me that (leave them all wondering I say). Daughter one and my God daughter have a wonderful bond even though they don’t see much of each other these days. My girlfriend’s son and my baby are just a few months apart in age but as they have grown up with totally different circles of friends they don’t see that much of each other either.

My girlfriend was there for me when my Grandfather passed away then 3 years later my Father as I was for her when her Mother passed early this year.

The discussion today centred on the oldies left in our lives as she was at her Father’s home retrieving her Mothers wheelchair. Her Mother-in-law is in a Nursing Home and had a fall fracturing her arm and shoulder (my girlfriend’s husband is also an only child) so she is hoping the wheel chair will give her Mother-in-law some mobility. I’m not sure of her exact age but she would have to be in her late eighties and is frail not to mention the onset of dementia. He Father is in his mid eighties, still lives in the family home with her Uncle (I’ll get to him in a minute) has had cancer and as a result has a colostomy bag not to mention many other ailments over the years that should have killed him long ago (he was run over by a car 30years ago and was covered up at the scene as they thought he had died. On another occasion about 15years ago they transported him by air from one hospital to another due to the severity of his illness; I was there when the doctor told my girlfriend to make funeral arrangements) but he battles on. Her Uncle has just been readmitted to hospital with a suspected heart problem. He had a major operation earlier in the year and a major car accident a couple of months ago (he was t-boned by a four-wheel drive who ran a red light). After we go through the update of her family she asks about my Mother who has been in a Nursing home and totally immobile after a stroke for the last five and a half years, my answer ‘same shit – different day’; she laughed as only someone that understands can.

The thought of a parent’s death is hard; the thought of a parent’s incapacity is even harder. You learn to accept this as a part of life because you have no choice. Please never promise that you will never put them into a Nursing Home because this may be a promise you will have to break or will be broken on your behalf due to their health. Encourage them to have regular tests and make sure they tell you exactly what is going on with their health even when they ‘don’t want to worry you’ or they fear their independence will be taken away from them. If my Mother had of had the test she had a referral for when she was given it (I found it when I was cleaning up her paperwork after her stroke) her situation could be totally different. It’s so hard when her mind has been largely unaffected but her body doesn’t work at all.

our Cruise group with our favourite crew member

My work colleague is flying to the UK on Sunday as his aging Father is suffering Cancer and is undergoing treatment not to mention his friend’s funeral on Friday.

Life’s challenges differ as we get older and we are then reminded of our mortality on a regular basis. Nothing lasts forever so make sure you enjoy every day with the people you love.