Who is to blame when our children fail?

I chose to use fail only because when they do not meet their own expectations thats the choice of word they use. Today there is a story of a young girl who attended an exclusive boarding school who failed to obtain the marks required to enter University to study law, she then returned to study at Tafe and is now completing a double degree in Arts and Science. Her Mother is now suing the school based on breach of contract agreement and relocation costs.

As a Mother I can totally understand this Mothers stance. My Baby went back to study her final three years at a Private School she had attended in Primary School for her to find that she was discriminated against and bullied even though she knew the majority of the students – this didn’t turn out well. After walking out of school because of the pressure she stayed at home for the remainder of the year as she felt dumb and useless (no matter what I said) but fortunately started Tafe the following year and completed her studies with excellent results. The School wanted me to pay the fees for the year even though she wasn’t there which I considered to be a lack in their duty of care. They actually put the matter in the hands of a debt collector without explaining the circumstance and also the fact we were still in dispute about the account. Long story short, I didn’t have to pay their fees but the pressure they put me under because of this was unbelievable!

I am sure most people will read this story and automatically assume there was a concentration issue or socialising issue with this girl and this is why she didn’t do so well in her original exams but I will defiantly give her the benefit of the doubt.

Both my children attended this ‘exclusive school’, Daughter one changed schools in year 8. Her new school was still private but co-ed not girls only and not as well known. The curriculum at the new school was way behind the old one so there was not a problem with Daughter one fitting in with study; she also came out of her shell and became a much happier person which was remarkable as the change was mainly constituted due to her parents’ divorce. She kept in contact with a few of the girls she used to go to school with and now we were on the outside looking in could see the amount of pressure that their parents were putting them under to succeed; one even tried to commit suicide.

We would all like our children to be the ones to make a difference in the world but at what cost? It is so hard when someone asks your young child what they want to be when they grow up and they reply ‘A Vet’ and you know in your heart they will never gain the grades to do this; you just say nothing and hope they change their minds. It is a wonderful thing for parents to say ‘darling, you can be anything you want to be’ but this is not always the case. At the same time you don’t want to deflate them by saying ‘change your mind as you don’t have the ability’. Steering children into something you are interested in and they are not is never a good idea either although I have seen this happen on so many occasions. I knew a young lady who studied Actuarial Studies because her school careers adviser said it was a good idea due to her outstanding mathematical results; she passed with flying colours but will never go into this field, why, because she hates it. Another studied Archaeology (again the careers adviser), she also passed both her degree and masters, she loved it but could not find employment; after going back to university to obtain a diploma of Education she is now a teacher.

I really don’t know what the answer is to this dilemma. Love, trust and gut feeling (plus a little research) could be a start.